Under The Table

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh no, My husband just walked in the door."

Travel Agent

A travel agent looked up from his desk and saw an older lady and an older gentleman peering into the shop window, where there were posters of glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week, and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop. "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.

The older lady and gentleman, as could be expected, gladly accepted and were off! About a month later, the little lady came in to the travel agency. "And how did you like your holiday?" the agent asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting, and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

The Sky

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

• Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
• Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
  
• Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
  
• Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”