Priestly Visit

There was a priest who went into the country to pay a visit to a 92-year-old church member. She welcomed him into the parlor. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak pump organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. He dare not say anything.

After tea, curiosity got the best of him and the priest asked her about it.

She replied, "While in town I found a little foil package on the sidewalk and took it home. The directions on the back said 'keep wet and put on your organ to prevent disease.' And you know, I think it works! I haven't had a cold all winter!"

A Perfect Sermon

A minister was delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation.

Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood.

Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher said, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?"

One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet.

"So, Mr Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?"

"No, sir", the man replied, "I'm just standing for my wife's first husband!"